The Adventures of Little Right Livelihood
One fine autumn day, Little Right Livelihood came flouncing down the road, petticoats crackling crisply along her thighs and hair billowing behind her like fiberglass insulation in the cool desert breeze.
She topped a rise and who did she see lounging against a saguaro stump? None other than her old arch enemy, Big Bad Wolf!
“Hiya baby,” he drawled, picking his teeth with a laminated credit card.
“You beast!” sputtered Little Right Livelihood. “I warned you once already! I said if I ever laid eyes on you again I’d smear your depraved carcass down Route 666 clear to Safford and back! Now get the hell outta here before I do something drastic!”
“Aw, c’mon baby, it’s not like that, I mean...”
“Not like that you mean!” Little Right Livelihood was getting pissed. Laser beams shot through her half-lidded eyes and raised little dust tracks along her scan lines. All the insect noises stopped and ants dropped their burdens and scurried underground. Up the road a dark cloud began to form, muttering to itself as it gathered air. She removed her Buster Brown shoes for better traction and started a little shuffle dance, causing small sections of the horizon arc to separate and disappear.
But Big Bad Wolf wasn’t scared one little bit. After all, he was one big bad mufucker and all he needed to do was put on his clogging shoes (which didn’t take long) and then he stood there facing Little Right Livelihood with his legs planted slightly apart, hands on hips, tail twitching behind him. “I’ll huff and I’ll puff!” he cried.
“Oh no you won’t!” cried Little Right Livelihood, reaching into her stash bag. She removed a jar and deftly flicked it open, releasing billions of special spores which floated over and popped moistly onto his skin like tiny soap bubbles.
Big Bad Wolf looked down at himself with silent horror. “Look at what you went and blew it for me!” he slobbered through toothless fangs as fur turned to fleece.
Soon the lamb was grazing peacefully alongside the other lambs, but Little Right Livelihood didn’t even notice, since she was busy rubbing the rust specks off her flute and shining it until it sparkled.
She topped a rise and who did she see lounging against a saguaro stump? None other than her old arch enemy, Big Bad Wolf!
“Hiya baby,” he drawled, picking his teeth with a laminated credit card.
“You beast!” sputtered Little Right Livelihood. “I warned you once already! I said if I ever laid eyes on you again I’d smear your depraved carcass down Route 666 clear to Safford and back! Now get the hell outta here before I do something drastic!”
“Aw, c’mon baby, it’s not like that, I mean...”
“Not like that you mean!” Little Right Livelihood was getting pissed. Laser beams shot through her half-lidded eyes and raised little dust tracks along her scan lines. All the insect noises stopped and ants dropped their burdens and scurried underground. Up the road a dark cloud began to form, muttering to itself as it gathered air. She removed her Buster Brown shoes for better traction and started a little shuffle dance, causing small sections of the horizon arc to separate and disappear.
But Big Bad Wolf wasn’t scared one little bit. After all, he was one big bad mufucker and all he needed to do was put on his clogging shoes (which didn’t take long) and then he stood there facing Little Right Livelihood with his legs planted slightly apart, hands on hips, tail twitching behind him. “I’ll huff and I’ll puff!” he cried.
“Oh no you won’t!” cried Little Right Livelihood, reaching into her stash bag. She removed a jar and deftly flicked it open, releasing billions of special spores which floated over and popped moistly onto his skin like tiny soap bubbles.
Big Bad Wolf looked down at himself with silent horror. “Look at what you went and blew it for me!” he slobbered through toothless fangs as fur turned to fleece.
Soon the lamb was grazing peacefully alongside the other lambs, but Little Right Livelihood didn’t even notice, since she was busy rubbing the rust specks off her flute and shining it until it sparkled.
posted by Gordon Solberg at 12:53 AM
2 Comments:
WOW... wonderful characters... wonderful role flipping and melding.
Much appreciated...
Jacaques
I finally figured it out...
Word play juxtaposing disparate, contrasting images of reality - Stirring together a tasty and quite believable confection of unknown origin. When I read these posts, what "happens next" is never expected.
Lewis Carroll: Lucky to have done his thing and gotten out before his genius was eclipsed.
I really appreciate your flights of fancy.
Jacques
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